If you stay… manipulation is the stipulation (ABUSE)

Manipulation is the easiest way to get a woman to stay in a relationship she knows is unhealthy. It’s a game of control for the manipulator. If I can make her feel sorry for me she will stay because she knows I am hurting more than she is.

Roger and I had gotten into another argument. As we usually do. I was hurt from his physical violence and to take the control back into his own hands he began to grab a knife out of the kitchen. I afraid of what he was going to do, locked myself in the restroom. He pretended that he was going to kill himself and will pass out on the floor until I would come running towards him to check on him. This happened often. He cut his wrist only a little with the biggest knife from the kitchen and then wait to see if I was going to leave him in the midst of him feeling suicidal. It was a game of manipulation. I didn’t know it and I would fall for it every time. One time Roger got in his car, as he often did and started speeding away. He would call my phone multiple times in a row and when I didn’t answer he would tell me that he was going to kill himself.  His antics were a loud plea for attention and a bargaining tool of manipulation as a stipulation for me to stay. I felt bad for him. I didn’t want him to die. I didn’t want to leave him and find that he committed suicide. So I stayed, out of guilt, out of love and out of pure manipulation.


Roger knew exactly what to do to reel me back in. He knew that my heart was so forgiving and loving that if he pretended that he was hurt worse than me, that I would feel sorry for him. Roger knew how to play the game and he played it well. Why? Because it worked. If I was the one who had gotten punched that day, Roger’s ‘suicide” attempts were his way of helping me solve my problem. In reality it was a way for him to make me feel sorry for him so that I wouldn’t leave.

It worked…. for a while

until I got tired

and his antics

were just plain sad.


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